Warning Label for New Birth Control Pill

The media has been abuzz about the new birth control pill that the FDA recently approved, which supposedly eliminates a woman's period during the entire time she is taking the medication. Of course, those pushing the new pill claim that its side-effects are minimal (yeah, just as they've claimed about all the cancer, osteoporosis, heart disease, depression, fetal abnormality, ovarian cyst causing contraceptives we've had in the past).

However, I thought of a few side-effects that usually don't make it into the disclaimers:

Warning, divine revelation and the Christ-given teaching authority of the Church have determined that contraception is indisputably linked to the following:

• a chronic weakening of morality within our culture (e.g. pornography and abuse)
  
• frequent exercise of dominion over the human body (e.g. embryonic stem cells and euthanasia)
• general increase in number of abortions performed annually
  
• excessive perception of women as mere objects of pleasure
• absence of temperance within marriage (e.g. adultery)
• abnormally high levels of divorce (up to twenty times higher in some studies)
• artificial notions of superiority to God and his plan for marriage and the human body
• perpetual burning sensation from rejection of grace and of God's law

It should be noted that church doctors have discovered a remedy that provides an instantaneous reversal of many of the above symptoms. If you have recently used contraception in your relationship, please see your nearest spiritual pharmacist for a prescription of absolution and penance (note: prescribed dosage of penance must be taken completely, even if symptoms appear to have diminished).